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Ellen Grzyb – The Nice Factor The Art Of Saying No

In this book we aren’t interested in turning you from a nice person into a nasty one. On occasion you do that yourself and you know it’s not very pleasant. We will be using the terms ‘not nice’ and ‘not nasty’ to describe what we see as the middle ground of behaviour, where you have a choice in how you are going to behave. It is why we have subtitled this book ‘The Art of Saying No’. People who are too nice for their own good are too often afraid to, or completely incapable of, saying no. There’s often a fear it will sound harsh, dismissive, rude or brusque, so they don’t say anything at all. Here we will look at how to turn niceness into an art, helping you to say no, perhaps without ever using the word.

We will look at all aspects of niceness and nastiness and explore ways in which you can change your behaviour so that you are more in charge of what happens rather than being in the grip of emotions that take over and render you helpless and impotent. You do not have to change your whole self. By understanding the choices available to you and making some new choices, you can make a significant difference in your life.

The world needs nice people. It needs the qualities that nice people have: consideration, thoughtfulness, caring, sensitivity. Nice people are often more attuned. They facilitate difficult situations and deal with difficult people that the rest of the world avoids. They tend to see the best in people and are often genuinely interested in making things easier for others. Nice people are usually very polite, understanding, empathetic and compassionate. They know what it’s like to be the underdog and are genuinely sympathetic. They are usually very welcoming and generous. Becoming less nice does not mean having to give up all those wonderful qualities that contribute to the world’s well-being. Becoming less nice contributes to your well-being. – Ellen Grysb

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